Apology

Something is wrong. I can tell by the way you talk. Or don’t talk; because there is more weight in what you don’t say than the actual feather-like words you speak. You rushed forth with a fake apology, for a mistake that I hadn’t yet  realized you’d made. I wish that I had know then, on that day, your sudden distance wasn’t in fact me “over-analyzing” and you weren’t “too busy with work.” The gap between us was intentional; you had silently crept backwards away from me with every decided step.

I believe you owe me an apology. A sincere one. I’m going to get a little Workers of the World Unite on this one. I want every man, woman, and in-between to stand behind me if they’ve felt this way in our society and so called dating-culture today. As a child and then a young woman, I grew up hearing about the three-date rule from the women in my life and culture around me. I along with others shaped my limited knowledge around sex and dating from an early age. I, sadly,  was programmed to believe that I was worth exactly three dates. And those that have tried to pursue me have been programmed to believe that all it would take to get into bed with me was a few lousy dates, a moderate interest in my character, and a smooth caress of the side or thigh.

And I am here to say, fuck you. I am a human being, as equal as the next person. As equal as every man. It is hard enough for me to believe that I am worth more than three dates without you trying to come over and “relax and watch tv.” The rate at which I wish to be intimate is entirely up to me, and no amounts of manipulation or beverages is going to change that. Sleeping with some one on the first date doesn’t imply sluttiness nor does sleeping with someone  on the 3rd or 4th date imply an intention to settle down. Waiting to get to know a person before jumping into bed with them is fine, they are a STRANGER in every sense of the word. This should not imply that the party is looking to get married, have your babies, or meet your friends and family. It should however imply that the person is looking for something real, regardless of the length of time it lasts. I don’t need something to withstand the length of time. I just need you to look at me and see someone worthy of respect and kindness. I need you to be mindful of the guidelines by which I choose to lead my life. I need you to be patient. And most importantly and pressingly: you owe me an apology.

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